Running

I have really been trying to resume my old running habit. It's been harder this time than with either of the other two pregnancies. My body feels really old. OLD. Nothing works the same as it did when I was younger. I can finally run 3 miles without stopping and it's not too bad but three miles seems like it takes so long. No one to talk to. If you can chat it up during a run, the miles fly faster. Sometimes I really wonder if I will ever get it back. So, in order to feel good about myself, I have come to two alternative purposes for running (as opposed to losing weight/fitness or training for a race):

1) A chance to get away. Most days it is literally the only 30 minutes that I have to myself without short people asking me for something. (BTW-why do kids always feel the need to ask you for something? Can't they be content?) There is a pretty paved trail that is one street over from my house. It runs along the Jordan River and rural parts of Lehi. For right outside my door, it's pretty great.

2) A good example for my kids. Even if I am not some sort of fitness princess, at least I am trying and my kids notice. They are learning that being active is part of life. Alisa will don this huge toy watch she has (a la my Garmin GPS watch) and say, "I am going running. I'll be back in a few minutes." Then she'll run up and down the hills in the backyard and go around the house. I love it. Nicolas is more into biking. The other day we struck out to go for a walk and ended up running home from a wind storm. He was on his bike and I had the stroller. The baby was screaming from the cold and wind and Alisa was covering her face. When we finally made it back to the house I said, "Well, that didn't turn out so good." Nicolas' reply was, "Are you kidding? That was great!"

As a side note, I went to buy deodorant the other day and since I was shopping with a 5 year old, 3 year old and 2 month old, I grabbed the first scent that didn't look like it would be flowery smelling. When I got home, I notice that it was labeled "sport" with the slogan, "marathon fresh scent." Hmmm, I really wondered what marathon fresh scent would smell like. I can't think of anything during a marathon that smells fresh. Were they referring to the Ben Gay that people rub on their knees, or the coffee most people drink to try to wake up at 4:00 am, or (heaven forbid) the porta potties, or fire smoke (in the case of St. George)? As you can guess, it doesn't smell anything like a marathon. That is some weird marketing.

Princess Alisa

Alisa had a princess party for her third birthday. She's really into princesses right now. You might not know it from these pictures but Alisa is my adorable little girl. I am so glad I have her--she is so sweet she's made of sugar. She loves to dance and play and run and jump. She loves to look at books and sit on my lap and lay in my bed. She likes to paint her toenails and wear lipgloss and she doesn't like to do her hair. She is always looking for a prince for herself--Diego comes in handy when he is home. She is so much more self-entertained than someone else in my family that she is just a joy. She just wants to be near me. Aaah, 3 is so hard but so amazing.

Two Months Old

I STILL have not downloaded pictures from my new camera (can it still be called new?) but Diego snapped a few pictures with what has now become "his" camera. Jackson is the smiliest baby ever. What a goofy kid.

Call me the Sentimental Fool

Can you have two hometowns? Lately I've had a real hankering for Santa Clara. I don't know what it is about it, but the place really wound it's way into me. Last week we took a trip down to So. California (well, really Disneyland) and of course had to drive through St. George. It felt dead wrong to stay on the freeway and not get off. We watched the lit "D" and LDS temple pass by as if they were still strangers instead of familiar landmarks. And more than one person in the car remarked, "hey there's our town." Honestly, we didn't live there that long--how could this happen? The thing is, there were some things about it that we didn't like (blasted heat and cockroaches, to name a few) but some we did and it felt like home so quickly.

The thing is, I felt the SAME way when we moved back up here. What the . . . ? Am I just afflicted with a strong sentimental tug? I don't know, but it was like a breath of fresh air to be back with the mountains and crisp weather. Although, not LITERALLY a breath of fresh air because St. George has no air pollution and here, well . . . . But I mean, it felt like coming home.

To all my friends down south, I miss you more than you would believe even if I told you. To all my friends (and family) here, I am so undyingly grateful for your unbelievable kindness. I guess I'll just ride the roller-coaster of life--I'm bound to encounter more places and things that make me a sentimental fool.

Snippet

Oh my! Jackson slept five hours straight last night and has taken a two hour nap this morning AND the sun is shining. I feel comparatively GREAT. I've really got to get my pictures posted on here. Sometime, I promise.

In the Trenches

It seems most moms I talk to have the whole baby thing down: "this is a snap!" Well, guess what? I still don't get it. I am writing this from the trenches of my sixth week, from the third kid. I am usually so tired that my head feels too heavy for my neck to support and the room will unexpectedly start swirling while washing dishes. It's not that I don't occasionally enjoy myself but I have to say that I am running so fast to get from thing to thing that I hardly have time to think and enjoy. Please tell me this is temporary.

I don't mean to complain, but I really don't feel like myself and most things still don't feel "normal." For example, when I casually glance in the mirror (not because I am actually getting ready for the day but only because I just happen to glance in the hallway mirror on my laps around the house bouncing a fussy baby) I hardly recognize myself. Besides the softly rounded belly and J. Lo. you-know-what, my boobs are twice as big, partly from you-know-what and partly from the two ounces of milk that have leaked into those swollen breast pads that I just haven't had a chance to change yet. Plus, somewhere in the dredges of my memory, I remember running miles and miles and actually enjoying it--these days I have to gut out a whole mile. And it's really hard. And I really break a sweat. Sigh.

My brain isn't quite working right and I can't seem to remember what I have done or what I am supposed to do. Forget to take the kid to school? Done it. Hit a car in the Smith's parking lot? Done it. Burn the sandwiches? Done it. Forget to take a shower? Done it. (Don't hate me!) Maybe it's the constant din from the television that is on way more often than the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends. Or the barrage of guilty feelings from it. Sigh.

And of course, the sleeping . . . oh the sleeping. I'm hoping that things are going to improve when Jackson stops taking the stinkin' antibiotics that he is on. Repeat after me: it will get better, it will get better. And it's only after sinking into my heavenly bed after an hour with the baby in the middle of the night, that I reach over and ever so lightly touch my heavenly husband. He will never know the comfort that he gives me from just his body being there. (Can you say needy?) Too bad another source of guilt is not spending quite enough time with him and watching him give up all his fun time to do grocery shopping and dishes and (bless his heart) baby holding. Sigh.

Oh, gotta go, I'm ten minutes late picking up the kid from school. Sigh.

Oh baby: whew!

Yes, I did have my baby. I'm sure you assumed I had since it is unlikely that I would go a month overdue . . .

Jackson Samuel Carroll was born Feb. 24 in the afternoon. It was a painful, quick labor. More details some other time. The baby has been . . . well a baby. Sometimes easy, sometimes hard. He was far underweight at two weeks and was in the hospital over the weekend for a high fever. We hope everything is going to be ok with that. Needless to say, it's been a whirlwind. I have been taking pictures with my new camera and of course, I haven't loaded the software onto my computer yet so I don't have the pictures to show. Somehow when you are just so tired, some things don't seem very important. When free time comes, I'm sleepin'.