It seems most moms I talk to have the whole baby thing down: "this is a snap!" Well, guess what? I still don't get it. I am writing this from the trenches of my sixth week, from the third kid. I am usually so tired that my head feels too heavy for my neck to support and the room will unexpectedly start swirling while washing dishes. It's not that I don't occasionally enjoy myself but I have to say that I am running so fast to get from thing to thing that I hardly have time to think and enjoy. Please tell me this is temporary.
I don't mean to complain, but I really don't feel like myself and most things still don't feel "normal." For example, when I casually glance in the mirror (not because I am actually getting ready for the day but only because I just happen to glance in the hallway mirror on my laps around the house bouncing a fussy baby) I hardly recognize myself. Besides the softly rounded belly and J. Lo. you-know-what, my boobs are twice as big, partly from you-know-what and partly from the two ounces of milk that have leaked into those swollen breast pads that I just haven't had a chance to change yet. Plus, somewhere in the dredges of my memory, I remember running miles and miles and actually enjoying it--these days I have to gut out a whole mile. And it's really hard. And I really break a sweat. Sigh.
My brain isn't quite working right and I can't seem to remember what I have done or what I am supposed to do. Forget to take the kid to school? Done it. Hit a car in the Smith's parking lot? Done it. Burn the sandwiches? Done it. Forget to take a shower? Done it. (Don't hate me!) Maybe it's the constant din from the television that is on way more often than the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends. Or the barrage of guilty feelings from it. Sigh.
And of course, the sleeping . . . oh the sleeping. I'm hoping that things are going to improve when Jackson stops taking the stinkin' antibiotics that he is on. Repeat after me: it will get better, it will get better. And it's only after sinking into my heavenly bed after an hour with the baby in the middle of the night, that I reach over and ever so lightly touch my heavenly husband. He will never know the comfort that he gives me from just his body being there. (Can you say needy?) Too bad another source of guilt is not spending quite enough time with him and watching him give up all his fun time to do grocery shopping and dishes and (bless his heart) baby holding. Sigh.
Oh, gotta go, I'm ten minutes late picking up the kid from school. Sigh.
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4 comments:
Ok you are starting to worry me, and no most people I talk to don't say that the 3rd is easy--is it too late to change my mind about having #3?
I don't know you, but I know you read my blog because I just found your blog through my sitemeter.
You poor girl. I hope things get better. In all honesty, if I was your friend, I would come over and hold your baby for you so you could get in the shower and take a breather.
Seriously, good luck. Hopefully in another month, you will be able to enjoy that sweet baby more and be able to get some sleep!
Carla--for me, it's less about the third and more about BABY. You've always been a pro with babies so you're set.
Rookie--I do love your blog. It's a secret addiction. (Not so secret, eh?) I found you through rabidrunner. I just made your birds nests this morning with my kids and I made sesame chicken last night. I promise, I really am not stalking you but I get so bored making the same food over and over--so I can't wait to see what ya got.
Staci - your post here was so sweet and touching. I hope things get better soon. We miss you and want to see you all soon. Call if we can help or give you a break with kids. Let's do lunch or dinner soonn.
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