So, I have been feeling this pull lately; just this pull to write and express myself. This is mostly in hopes of trying to figure out what I truly want and what makes me truly happy. Sometimes that's hard for me. I don't know if other people feel this way too but for me a lot of my life follows the path of least resistance. I tend to take the easiest course instead of making intentional directions. That's a fine way to live except that I think there might be more inside of me screaming to come out if I will just listen.
Sometimes I actually think about myself and start to get panicky because I remember a time when I felt like I was good at quite a few things....maybe not everything but I had a general feeling of competence. And then I constrast that now with my mountain of evidence of mediocrity and wonder what happened along the way. But it's my own fault. It's not circumstantial. I let it get that way.
One part of me that I miss is writing: putting complete thoughts into words that convey an idea. It used to be such a commonplace thing in my life but "stay-at-home mom" doesn't require that. So I have let that part of me go. This is one part of my life that I have chosen to be intentional. I am not just going to bump into it or come across it; I will create it.
I have chosen my blog as my forum not because I think many people will read what I write, but because I can pretend that they do which I think will make me accountable. We'll see, huh.
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2 comments:
These are some great thoughts. I, too, am going through something similar. My life is full of all these "shoulds" that are placed in my path of least resistance; shoulds that others (culture, church, family, friends, etc.) have decided are most important for me to do -- or, realistically, shoulds that I've let them decide are the most import for me.
I read this when you first posted it but kept it unread in my blogger reader and have read it a few times. You're a great egg (not just a good egg.) I quite like you. And find you nothing short of spectacular (hint: spectacular is way better than mediocre!)
I just read this, however, and thought it was worth sharing.
http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/09/05/11-ways-successful-people-start-their-mornings/
It's so simple, yet so difficult... (for me anyway...)
Evidence of mediocrity? Show me this mountain - because I think a lot of it is just our own internal beast telling us we're inadequate. You are amazing - someone I admire so much and treasure the times we lived near each other.
Keep these updates going. I miss seeing you.
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