Warning: there is absolutely no point to this post.
A string of events have converged upon me making me feel more melancholy than usual. I use that word loosely as sometimes that melancholy rears up to become outright anger--mostly directed toward members of my family. I don't know . . . I just don't feel like myself and I don't like feeling like I have little control over my emotions.
Why are humans wired like that? Why does stress, tiredness, and noise cause our brain to short circuit? I know, I know. You are going to remind me of the flight or fight syndrome. The blood is rushing to our extremities. But I don't need the blood in my extremities . . . I need it in my brain.
So here's the cycle: I'm feeling bad/worried/sad about something and someone comes to me wanting something. My response is short and sarcastic because I just don't have the emotional energy to worry about giving someone extra toilet paper. Then almost immediately afterward, I feel guilty and think what a horrible mother/wife/daughter/friend I am and the cycle starts over.
Do you see how it is a series of reactions with very little positive, calculated action? I'm flopping from one thing to another without much thought. (Sorta like how I clean the house.) I hate that. So then I think, maybe if I read my scriptures it will go away. It doesn't. So I try cleaning something, eating a cupcake, taking a nap, and reading a book, all to no avail.
Hmmm. That's all I have to say. I'll pull out of it . . . when I make the choice to.
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2 comments:
I don't think you are the only one that this happens to. I've been feeling that way too... What is weird is usually it is only the winter times blues, but now it is July. Maybe it's a woman thing?
lil sis
Mine is completely cyclical, if only I could figure out the cycle! But unfortunately I do understand how you feel, and then all the sudden one day I wake up and feel normal again. We should get together. A party always helps!
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