Attack of the Naughties

Ahhh . . . . summer. A time to relax, spend some time together and enjoy the outdoors. A time to enjoy my children unhindered by the schedules and work of the school year. Carefree . . . no worries. Ohhh, scratch that last part.

We are less than one month into summer vacation and as I see it, there are two ways to look at it: "oh no, we are a 1/3 of the way done and we haven't done anything we wanted to do yet" or "are you kidding? two more months to go?" As it turns out, my children LOVE the freedom of summer vacation. And although I make them do chores and various other obligatory acts, they have way, way too much time on their hands. And they seem to have taken that "freedom" theme a little too far. In the last month or so I have had to endure the following:

• A bottle of green food coloring. Taken to church, snuck in a pocket, and discovered in the nick of time at the beginning of primary. I wonder what the plan with the food coloring was?
• A broken basement window. I swear to you the child said, "I didn't think a rock would REALLY break a window."
• A bleached pink beanbag. One child found the Clorox bleach pen in the laundry room and went to work on Alisa's pink beanbag. I'm sure it must have been really fun to watch the color fade away right before his eyes. Sorta like "color wonder" markers in reverse.
• A hole in the drywall. Something about a game that involved a chair with wheels and pushing really hard. I hereby solemnly swear to not buy anything nice or new until my children are grown.
• Potions. Numerous times. Involving any attainable household materials: dirt, water, yogurt, fingernail polish, shampoo, vinegar, FOOD COLORING, toothpaste, bugs, and soap, soap, soap. By the way, if you are a germaphobe, please don't come to our house as our children are not allowed to use soap any more. Just kidding. Sort of.
• Almost calling the police. When my children decided to head to a friend's house without permission. I thought they were running through the sprinklers in the common area and after numerous trips around neighborhood without finding them, I was sure they had been stolen. Gee, a fence would be nice.
• Ruining a brand-new windshield. Diego had his windshield replaced and hours afterward, one child was found climbing on the car, sliding down the windshield, and removing the tape that was supposed to remain there for 24 hours. Fun slide. Not a fun mom. Sure the insurance paid for the first one but I'm pretty sure they don't want to pay for the second one.

And the crowning achievement!

• The toothpaste war. They were supposed to be SLEEPING and they were so quiet that I really thought they were but the next morning I found toothpaste on bedspreads, in sheets, in hair, on the floor, on the bunk-bed ladder (I must say, an ingenious move as it made the ladder slippery, thereby debilitating the opponent) filling shoes, smothered on toys, and ground into the carpet. There was no explanation for this other than "the war." So now, toothpaste is banned too. Just kidding. Really. Just kidding.

I feel it is my duty to list these acts all committed in such a short period of time so that I have a record for posterity. So that in 10 years or 5 years or two weeks when I am accused of being a grouchy, mean, lazy mom, I will have this list to point to and say, "cut me some slack." And the next time someone asks me what I do all day, I will hand them this list and shake my head knowingly.