The other day my brother mentioned something to me about "since you stopped blogging." Wait a minute . . . did I stop blogging? Like so much in my life, sometimes decisions are made in a passive manner--where I let things take their course without my direction . . . where I keep running along on the path of least resistance. I hate that about myself. I would prefer to have these grand ideas and make a plan and carry them out.
Today I was thinking about how in adolescence I told everyone that I wanted to be a marine biologist. And, at the time, I thought my biggest problem was that I lived so far from the ocean. Now I am wise enough to know that I suck at math and that I am terrified of being more than three feet under the water. And that I have a short attention span. All these are much bigger problems than not living on the coast. But at that time I wouldn't let myself see "meaningless" obstacles because I was a dreamer and capable of anything.
Currently, my personal aspirations (if they are still in there) are buried beneath a barrage of day to day child-rearing, house keeping, and food making. I have been so caught up in trying to keep up with life that I have forgotten than maybe I could do even more.
And yet, I have to admit, I am happy. I have achieved many of my dreams. I don't regret anything I have done.
So what I am wondering is this; is it ok to just be who I am without being something spectacular? Without ever being noteworthy? Without being someone who utilizes her time on earth to really make a difference to people? To go on doing what I've always done?
For now, I choose to just keep on living and I hope that's ok.
PS I haven't stopped blogging.
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1 comment:
I was really getting concerned that you stopped blogging :) And you are selling yourself short if you don't believe you have already done something spectacular and noteworthy...and I am sure there is much more to come in other phases of your life.
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